With school days upon us, and the whole lot of my family continuing our days just as before, I find myself answering a lot of questions from loving friends and family, and curious strangers about what’s next. My oldest is now five, and though he misses the official cutoff for kindergarten by one whole day, the most common thing said to this little boy is, “Are you starting kindergarten this year?”. He usually looks up to me to respond appropriately, and despite my earlier pledge to proudly announce our intentions to home school, I find myself continuing to mumble the lame excuse about the cut off day falling before his birthday. And while my statement is factual, it makes me feel like a coward, and that I am not showing my boys the commitment we do indeed have to homeschooling. Because the truth is, I am really proud of our days. They are magical and pure, and full of inspiring, real life learning. Why the hestiation in explaining this?
I suppose a bit of it comes from the faces I have gotten when I have put my heart on my sleeve and told the plain old truth. But the majority of it just comes from fear of recieving them again. This fear. It seems the dark cloud of it gets in the way of so much, for so many of us. The fear of judgement, the fear of failure, the fear of regret. These things are real, and not isolated to me or to homeschooling, or to anything.
But taken day by day, it can be mitigated and directed. Taken one conversation at a time, and one child hurdled past the first year of “would be heading to school” before the other, I am quite sure it will get easier.
For now we will just continue to study the world with intention and see where it takes us. So, with that being said, happy back to school week, or not back to school week. How about, happy kids or happy parents or just happy September. I like the sound of that.