Angers radiates from the center of my throat and then shoots directly out my temples simultaneously sinking to the depths of my chest. I can feel it. It hurts. And then the guilt of feeling this anger doubles the pain. And then, to top it off, a realization of what exactly it is that is angering me so (something usually so trivial and of absolutely of no importance in both the long and short-haul) is sickening.
Today that object of deeply seeded, burning with rage anger was believe it or not: the bop it. Yes, you read that correctly. The bop it. You know that electronic simon says toy? Oh yes, laugh it up. But I will tell you the situation was true and real. No laughing matter whatsoever.
You see, both boys were finally gently fluttering their big old lashes over their baby blues. Sleep was eminent for both my babies at last… and sigh…. me. It had been a mind numbing morning and I was fantasizing about curling up in the afternoon sun and getting a little shut-eye. So, I guess that explains why when that god forsaken electronic devil tucked deep inside the boys closet decided to take on a mind of its own, taunting me over and over with the most ironic line in my motherhood career (possibly my life) “Ahh….. I’m going to sleep!” my eyes honestly began to twitch.
I lurched for the closet door to silence that ridiculous toy, the sudden movement furthering the boys excitement over the entertaining nap time fiasco. To no avail, it continued to stab my brain with its only phrase over.. and over.. and over again! I sprinted to my bedroom and buried it deep inside our tower of pillows attempting to muffle the exasperating voice. Quick as a flash I was back in the boy’s room hushing, rocking, singing to them in hopes that they would once again enter back into dream land. Alas, they were both. wide. awake.
That is when I snapped.
Shaking with frustration I desperately searched for a screwdriver or a knife that would unscrew the battery case on the bop it. After much fumbling I was able to take it apart and my only option was to throw it away and take out the trash. This thoroughly confused Miles which enhanced my guilt as well.
With the boys shut in their room I dashed outside and growled a sound only heard in the last moments of a long labor. (I would know) My eyeballs bulged I am sure. I dove back inside and buried my head under the cushions of my couch. Eventually I pulled myself together and came to the rescue of my two very confused and not so happy with me for leaving them in their room boys. But, I will not lie, I took my time.
I’m not exaggerating. To be quite honest, it is humiliating. But, a little birdy mentioned to me perhaps the raw truth was in order on this old blog otherwise well, I would be lying. I try to focus on the good in my days, and try to leave out the very worst. But, that is doing my fellow mama’s a disservice in fact. It is so incredibly comforting to be fully aware that we are not alone. So, have you had a shameful moment? Tell me. I need to know.
Well, the story does end somewhat happy, (sorry birdy) but only because I decided to write this down. When proofreading this ludicrous post I just had to laugh. In fact, I laughed so hard I still have tears flowing. I guess it is a laughing matter after all. Bop it. Geesh.
Lucky for me my husbands heart is full of grace. He has banished me to the spot for the evening meal to eat alone in peace and recuperate. Hope this gave someone a sense of camaraderie. Happy Monday!